Guest Blog: Life lessons and Future Shop

Everything I Need To Know About Dating I Learned At Future Shop

Yodell/Mocha here. Filling in for HB while she's off having fun in the sun. Am tempted to write all sorts of insanely jealous things. But being that I'm mature, responsible, and you know, such a good friend, I will pout silently, here in my grey rainy Langford.

When HB asked me to guest-blog, I didn't know what to write. On my own blog, there is no pressure. It's mine, and I can write what I want. But on someone else's blog, there's so much pressure. What if I turn off their readers? So, I thought, what can I tell you? HB suggested a dating story. Now, those are few and far between. But, then it occurred to me, I'm so great at helping you all learn valuable life lessons. I do have one dating story that can teach you all some very valuable life lessons :) So, here is my story about Rocky (not his real name, but it's close).

Life Lesson #1 (LL.1) - Don't go to Future Shop to meet guys.Hate to generalize here, but, well, I will. They're either skinny and nerdy, or creepy. Or a combination of both. Enter Rocky.

LL.2 - Learn how to say "No, I don't want to give you my number."Practice this at home in front of the mirror. Don't stand in shocked silence for 3 minutes, and then blurt "Sure, why not." Really doesn't send out the "Eww, I find you creepy" message. In fact, quite the opposite.

LL.3 - If you were foolish enough to give out your number, screen unfamiliar numbers.If a call comes in from an unfamiliar number, let it go to voicemail!! For goodness' sake, don't answer it on the second ring just because you almost never get calls on your cell phone.

LL.4 - If you were idiotic enough to answer your phone, be extremely busy for the next 6 months.So busy that you don't even have time to pee, let alone go on a date the next afternoon!!

LL.5 - If you, at age 19, have to pick him, at age 32, up downtown because he lives at home and can't get his parents' car for the afternoon, warning signals should IMMEDIATELY sound in your head.Go directly home. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

LL.6 - Learn how to slap. Really hard. With either hand. Ambidexterity is important.That way, if he grabs your hand 45 minutes after making your acquaintance, you can let him know what you really think.

LL.7 - Always, always, ALWAYS have an escape call planned.Don't be forced to resorting to drinking lots of coffee and then calling your family from the bathroom. It's really not cool. Especially if there's someone in the stall next to you.

LL.8 - When your date-from-you-know-where is over, resist the urge to say "We should do this again sometime."You shouldn't. You won't. It's not cool to leave any room for doubt.

LL.9 - Avoid Future Shop like the plague for at least 6 months afterwards.Actually, I avoided his specific Future Shop for over a year. I still get a creepy crawly feeling in my tummy when I go there though. Thankfully, I live in Langford, and can just go to the one out here :)

I hope you've found these lessons as helpful as I have. With any luck, if you follow these tips, you should have a 100% success rate in not picking up men at Future Shop! I hope they serve you well blog world!