Kids all looking the same

Do you ever notice how sometimes kids look the same? During my practicum a group of girls sat at the back of the class and they all kinda looked alike, they were about the same height and had brown hair.

It wasn't until the second to last day that I realized I wasn't crazy: three of the girls were actually triplets. I think my mentor teacher should have warned me.

Fantastic facebook status

"________ just realized she's been walking around with 3 yams in her purse for 2 days."

Windsheild fluid

If you're driving down the road at night downtown, and your windshield is dirty, you shouldn't spray wiper fluid when it's below freezing. No, you definitely should not.

Just can't stop...

Remember the guy I absentmindedly called autistic and socially awkward? Anyway, one of my classmates sent out an e-mail in teacher jargon about a social activity she's arranging, and it seemed appropriate at the time to hit 'reply all' and write: "Ms. K, don't forget that Factoid has ADD (he really does!) so you might want to modify your lesson to keep him 'engaged' and prevent him from disrupting his classmates. Miss B." Good job Heidi, why not just make fun of him in front of your whole class for an issue he actually has?! Sigh. Lack of tact much?

As a sidenote, he responded (to all) in jest: "Wait, I don't think that attention defic... ooh, dinner's ready!"

Worst facebook status revisited

Okay, so back to the facebook status from the other day:

"Missing You My Honey Dips........aka My Yummy Tummy Hunny....MUAH"

What is a honey dip? Why the plural? Is he talking about a doughnut? Yummy tummy hunny? If a dude commented on me being a doughnut and talked about my tummy, he could talk himself out the door. "Slam!" Is it the rhyming that did it for him? Hmmm. Too much. Too sweet. Too weird. But it works for them and that makes me smile :)

Other dumb things to say

Tell a guy in your class who runs, that he would love to live at your house. In your mind you mean because of the running trails.

Awkward silence.

Enjoy the backpedalling.

How to offend a guy (# one million)

1) Make sure he's really smart and is helping you with math.
2) Bring him a cookie (perfect)
3) Offset cookie move by asking him (in all seriousness) if he is autistic
4) When he looks at you with shock, explain that you have a friend who is autistic and is just like him with remembering facts and dates
5) Explain further that your friend is sometimes socially awkward and doesn't get social cues
6) Wonder why he doesn't eat his cookie

PS Good luck getting math help in the future.

Worst facebook status

"Missing You My Honey Dips........aka My Yummy Tummy Hunny....MUAH"

Please pass the Pepto. Pronto.

How not to hold it together

This entry is the worst. THE WORST. It hurts to think about.
*As a warning, if you can't handle gross stuff, read no further.

Okay, so tonight I was working at the hotel. It was dead quiet, not even the music was playing. The office was vacant most of the night until Mr. Handsom Guy comes in to use the computer. Hello Mr. blue eyes, soft skinned, sporty, tall guy. Wicked. What luck?! He even initiated conversation. Nice, things were looking good for me. Notice the "were". After about 45 min, I really had to go to the washroom- we're talking number two. Eek. There was no way I could use the one in the office, because the office was so quiet and I didn't want him to hear anything. So I thought I would just hold it.

And hold it.

And hold it.

Finally, my stomach started to make weird gurgles and things became very uncomfortable. What to do?! What to do?! I couldn't hold it any longer. Do I go to the washroom and turn the fan on? No, then he'd hear it and know I was going #2. Not cool. Okay, well should I turn the tap on? No, that's just strange. Okay, so I guess I'll just go quietly.

Riiiight. After holding it for so long, there was no "quietly". Drat.

"Kerrrsplat! Rumble! Gurgle! Splat!"

Did that just seriously happen? I wanted to die. DIE! Oh wait... there's more...

"Tooot! Gurgle! Splat!"

By this point, I couldn't even hold anything back. Are you kidding me?! There's no way he missed that. Fuck. Kill me now. Kill. Me. Now.

After waiting in there a few minutes "just in case", as well as to gather myself, I flushed the toilet and started washing my hands. Oh no... it didn't all flush! Not cool. Not cool at all. Now what? Do I flush the toilet a second time? Then he would know it was a "double flusher". Fuck. But then, what if he had to use the washroom, then what?! My life is the worst right now. The worst. So I left it.

Quickly, I exited the bathroom and shut the door behind me so that the stink wouldn't get out. Awesome. Okay. I avoided eye contact and returned to the desk. Play it cool Heidi, play it cool.

Ten minutes later he got up, left his things by the desk, and went outside for something. I figured this was my chance! So I bolted up and ran for the bathroom so I could flush the toilet. Unfortunately this happened just as the guy poked his head back in the room to ask if it was okay if he left his stuff there. Perfect, he got to see me bolt for the bathroom. Probably looked like I was going for the sequel. Arg. Whatever. When he was out, I flushed and sprayed room spray. So lame. So lame. Sucky, sucky, sucky!

Wait... it gets better.

"Gurgle, gurgle." My stomach let me know that it was still not finished. Not cool. So not cool! Meanwhile the guy was back in the office. There's no way I could be the girl who craps again. So nasty. Okay... think fast. "GURGLE!" Fuck. "GURGLE, GURGLE, HEIDI!" Ack.

Then I had an "ahh ha" moment. I grabbed a key to a neighbouring room, and joked with Mr. Handsom Guy that I needed to go check on a room, and would he mind holding down the fort? Laughter. Awesome. I all but ran out of there.

Confession Tuesday: Joy of "mocklate"

Alright, so I'm a bit of a chocolate snob. I don't like the gross stuff- you know the waxy bunnies at Easter or the foil wrapped Santas that taste like can? Sigh. However, it's tradition that every year on December 1, I open a square cardboard flap from a gaudy looking box to reveal a "mocklate". It's usually flatish, moulded into a strange shape that doesn't resemble the picture, and tastes like sweetened cardboard. I eat the first five days worth and then chuck the others. It's tradition and brings out a bit of the kid in me. Cliche alert. Sigh. This year I won't be opening one.

Screw it, I think I'll upgrade and get a Lindt calendar tomorrow.