Mexico Trip Decoded: part two

12) Carlos and Reuben

When a man kisses your hand and tries to win your heart, you shouldn't call him Carlos when his name is Reuben. Whoops :S

13) Touching Mexican Ass

Shame on you for what you were thinking, I pet a baby donkey! It was fluffy and had long lashes. Ha.

14) Flashing the Zebra

Turns out sunscreen should be applied all over, not just on your shoulders and nose. We sat in the sun for two hours and I got one of the worst burns in my life. Not only was it Valentines red, It was a weird pattern. Because I sat was sitting in my bikini top (hey old dudes can wear neon speedos) and shorts, the shadow of my bust and the bend in my stomach left some sweet contrasting, white, wavy lines to complete the valentine love theme. I looked like a zebra. I think I saw a child run away. I wished I had aloe vera.

15) Boat Stilettarita

This is a condition in which one loses balance and is not sure if that can be attributed to the rocking of the boat, the margarita, or the stilettos she is wearing.

16) Mexican Turkeys

This is what they call pelicans. They're everywhere and they're ugly. Disney picked the wrong animal to deliver babies to doorsteps. Ew.

17) Quicksilver chocolate cheesecake on wheels

I'm too ashamed to explain this one.

18) 15 American minutes

This is different than 15 Mexican minutes, which generally are equivalant to 25-40 American minutes.

19) Wrinkly old man chicken skin

I held a gargantuan iguana (if you can imagine) and it had a creepy flap of scaley skin under it's neck that felt like wrinkly old man chicken skin might feel like. Five doses of Purell didn't make the creepiness go away, but it did minimize it.

20) Butter on the pillow

The chocolate mints on our pillows looked like the butter packets we encountered at meal times. I switched them when Genuine wasn't looking... she figured it out.

21) Duck in towel maneuver

The dining room was super fancy shmancy. Our waiter Wendal (Denzel Washington's nephew?) placed cloth napkins on our laps and cut parts of our meal. It was intense. When biting into the duck, I encountered some creepy chewy bit that elicited a gag response. I nodded and smiled as Wendal said something and then quickly spat it into my napkin when he wasn't looking. This reminded me of Lucky. I did that when we went for dinner once: he was embarassed because the head guy busted me. Come to think of it, Lucky hasn't taken me out for a nice dinner since.

22) The wheeze

This is embarassing. When I start laughing really hard I can't get enough oxygen, so I start wheezing. This in turn makes me laugh harder, which makes me wheeze even more. This happened to me in the hallway because something Genuine or I said was hilarious. I started wheezing and had to lean against the wall for support. Genuine took off around the corner giggling. One of the staff was sincerely concerned and tried to help me. Embarassed, I wheezed more dramatically. I think he was waiting for me to collapse.

A similar thing happened when Mocha and I went for a blizzard. I should explain that on a flashback Friday.