I hung out with Special today. I'd like to say things were awesome, and for the most part they were, however, there is a bit of a problem. See, last week Special called me on the way to water polo. Not a big deal right? Wrong. Before going to play, he planned to stop by a swim shop and pick up a Speedo. I laughed and teased him about it. Turns out he was serious. He intended to exchange money that he had earned for a tiny piece of stretchy fabric to wrap around his gear. This was a conscious decision. I tried to warn him and talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen.
I mentioned before that Special is six foot four, which is pretty tall. This means he has looooong legs and a looooong torso. In between the two he wore that stretchy piece of fabric pulled over his manliness. Shudder. Fortunately I never saw it, I just heard about it and that was definitely bad enough. He informed me that it was black and that he made it look good. That's not cool, I don't think he should have told me anything about it. After Genuine and I had the double neon Speedo attack in Mexico, I've been a little traumatized. So, today the whole time I was with Special, I had to repeatedly repress the spandex imagery. I could baredly look him in the eyes. We went to Starbucks- I went with Speedo man. We walked around downtown- I walked with Speedo man. We went up the Calgary Tower- Speedo man. Then we watched The Matrix for seven hours. I sat next to Speedo man. I pictured him diving into the water like that. Shudder. How am I ever going to get this out of my head?! I think some things should never be imagined. I wish Will Smith would beam me in the eye with one of those Men in Black pens.
2 comments:
YES! To the MIB pens. I could use one of those all the time.
No kidding eh! Ha. Maybe they have them on e-bay.
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