Like I said, most people drink a lot here, so it's not surprising that every few days someone from work has a house party. Here are the "highlights" of the last one I went to:
-Justin drank a little too much and divulged a fair bit of information on his sex life (specifically the guy from last night and how much his butt hurt)
-Big Kid spilled my glass of alcohol. It was full.
-Some random guy asked me to take my tank top off. (As a side note, does this really work for him?)
-Freaked out by the last comment, I grabbed my hoodie... except someone spilled beer on it. Gross. Fortunately one of the girls was kind enough to lend me a t-shirt.
-Now fully layered up, I decided to grab one of my two other mudslides from the fridge. Turns out two under-age twinkies were already drinking them. Great. When I confronted one of them on it, she seemed surprised and offered the rest of my bottle to me. Ew, yeah right. I declined and chastised her for stealing other people's alcohol. Ok, whatever happened to the days where teens asked older people to boot for them *before* a party?!
-Strange guys showed up (six of them) and were sloshed. They intentionally spilled alcohol everywhere. Jerks.
-Someone stole Justin's smokes.
-Who's doing coke in the bathroom?
-Time to go.
-While waiting for my cab, the police came.
_________________________________________
On a positive note:
*Hung out with Ricky Bobby (who was sober), he offered to be my boyfriend for the night if any other guys bothered me. That was thoughtful.
*One of my more reserved male coworkers challenged one of the girls to a "bend and snap" competition. This is perhaps one of the funniest things I've seen in my life.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Stampedeville
The men are insane. I’m just going to leave it at that.
The weather is amazing. I’m almost always wearing a lighter jacket than everyone else. When people say that it’s a different kind of cold, it’s true. Minus five here feels like plus seven in Victoria. And the sun is *always shining*. It looks like summer every day. No seasonal depressive disorder for me! Don’t get me wrong, I miss the green grass (it’s brown here) and the flowers in Victoria, but Vic can keep it’s effen gray skies and rain. It can keep those mother huge spiders too.
The wild rabbits here are creepy. They have legs longer than mine, a body like a small dog, and big bulgy goat eyes. Ew.
Also, there’s not a lot to do here. I mean, there’s shopping and theatres, but other than that… it’s pretty skimpy on fun. At home people go for walks. Who the heck wants to walk around here? I think that’s why so many people drink and do weird drugs. Most people smoke too.
There are no old cars from the seventies or even the eighties. They rust. My car would be an antique here.
There is recycling, but you have to drive to it. Ew. However, they don’t recycle plastic except for plastic milk jugs, which are refundable.
Ladies of Asian decent (politically correct enough?) mainly dye their hair red: either burgundy, orange, or red red.
There are hardly any Starbucks. This is the worst part. It’s sad. I’m trying to get over it, but it’s hard. Today I bussed for an hour and half to get to a Starbucks that has working internet. There’s only one plug in though.
*Side note, a middle age man just came into Starbucks wearing head to toe red and black plaid. He’s about six foot one and his pants are a tad too short. His shoes are brown clogs with a buckle and they click when he walks. Black socks. I just busted a couple at the neighbouring table laughing at him. I’m torn between sharing their sentiments and admiring his confidence.
The weather is amazing. I’m almost always wearing a lighter jacket than everyone else. When people say that it’s a different kind of cold, it’s true. Minus five here feels like plus seven in Victoria. And the sun is *always shining*. It looks like summer every day. No seasonal depressive disorder for me! Don’t get me wrong, I miss the green grass (it’s brown here) and the flowers in Victoria, but Vic can keep it’s effen gray skies and rain. It can keep those mother huge spiders too.
The wild rabbits here are creepy. They have legs longer than mine, a body like a small dog, and big bulgy goat eyes. Ew.
Also, there’s not a lot to do here. I mean, there’s shopping and theatres, but other than that… it’s pretty skimpy on fun. At home people go for walks. Who the heck wants to walk around here? I think that’s why so many people drink and do weird drugs. Most people smoke too.
There are no old cars from the seventies or even the eighties. They rust. My car would be an antique here.
There is recycling, but you have to drive to it. Ew. However, they don’t recycle plastic except for plastic milk jugs, which are refundable.
Ladies of Asian decent (politically correct enough?) mainly dye their hair red: either burgundy, orange, or red red.
There are hardly any Starbucks. This is the worst part. It’s sad. I’m trying to get over it, but it’s hard. Today I bussed for an hour and half to get to a Starbucks that has working internet. There’s only one plug in though.
*Side note, a middle age man just came into Starbucks wearing head to toe red and black plaid. He’s about six foot one and his pants are a tad too short. His shoes are brown clogs with a buckle and they click when he walks. Black socks. I just busted a couple at the neighbouring table laughing at him. I’m torn between sharing their sentiments and admiring his confidence.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Flashback Memory Friday: The flowers I've received
Sorry everyone, my computer was down and I've been working 12 days straight, so I didn't have a chance to get to Starbucks to use their internet.
Stella got flowers sent to her at work from her sweetie. *Sent* to her. How sweet is that?! She said she almost cried and then ran around work showing everyone- coworkers and clients. Apparently she beamed all day and keeps the card that came with the flowers in her pocket. They were her favourite kind of flowers. Oh yeah, he sent them to her for no reason. The card read, “Have a great day.”
I’ve been given flowers from men a few times.
1) Once, an ex-boyfriend tried to win me back with flowers. He busted out the, “I love you” line. I knew it was crap and called him on it. I accidentally dented his classic car the same night. It was locked, but didn’t close all the way, so I hip checked it. Whoops. The flowers were a generic bouquet that could have been given to his grandma if I didn’t want them.
2 and 3) Another time I got flowers from a guy I met on the internet (not Taco). Actually, that reminds me, Taco gave me a red rose. Even though this was really cliché, it was pretty. I was more impressed that he walked to get it. Maybe if it was pink or yellow or something I’d have liked it more. When it was getting wimpy looking, I cut off the flower and kept the stem. I’m an artist so I can do weird things like that. Anyway, the other internet guy gave me flowers, but I can’t really remember them. This is not a good sign.
4) I once got a rose bush for Valentines Day. The thought was nice. They were yellow and beautiful… until they died. I was never able to rejuvenate the flowers. Perhaps that is symbolic of the relationship. Ha.
5) I asked Spreadsheet once if he ever gave me flowers. He said he did, but I don’t remember. I think he’s making it up. But then again, maybe he did. Hmmm.
6) I think one of the most romantic flowers ever given to me was a pink rose that was picked out of the garden at the place I was staying. I was crazy about the guy and he was crazier about me. He got up early, climbed through the window and gave me the rose when I woke up. The guy was so sweet. I hear he’s in a heavy metal band now.
7) I thought I was going to die. It was late at night and I thought I’d take a short cut through the Empress Hotel garden. It was poorly lit and a guy sitting on some steps on the right said something. Then some guy jumped the fence on my left and started walking toward me signalling for me not to move. He held his hand behind his back maybe with a knife or something. Great, I was about to get mugged or stabbed to death and there was no one around. I was frozen and couldn’t move. He came within about two and a half feet of me, hand still behind his back. My eyes were huge. I stopped breathing. He whipped out a pink rose. I inhaled again.
8) When I worked at the hotel I was befriended by a hot Mexican guy. He wanted to take me out to dinner at midnight. I said yes. I think I must have been crazy. Darius nearly had a heart attack, so did Spreadsheet and Fairweather. They still chastise me. Anyway, the guy and I went for a beautiful secluded walk along the water and sat on some rocks and talked. He smelled so good. I can’t believe he didn’t try to kiss me. I might have gone for it too, he was beautiful. On the way back to the hotel we walked through a rose garden and he managed to break off one of the most fragrant yellow roses I’ve ever smelled. However, I was more flattered that he was willing to cut up his hands on the thorns. He bled all over the place and tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, it was endearing.
9) A while back, Lucky and I sat on the pathway. We were talking about life and love and whatever. I think I was venting about having my heart broken (possibly flower guy in #1?) and Lucky picked a red rose from the bush and gave it to me. He said he thought I was beautiful and that other guys were stupid. He offered to break the other guys’ knee caps. I never told Lucky… but I kept this flower and it’s shrivelled up and kind of nasty now. I still feel beautiful whenever I see it.
10) Fairweather has given me the most flowers because he knows how much I like them. I got a dozen long stem red roses for grad. He left them on my door step. Another time he gave Mocha and I a dozen roses for Valentines. I imagine those were crazy expensive at that time of year.
He gave me beautiful purple lilies (not the kind I’m allergic to) as a housewarming gift when I moved into Crazy Norma’s (actual name). I harvested the flowers and made the petals into a pulp useful as an ink. I decorated an envelope for Fernando because I know that’s the kind of thing she’d like. I wonder if I ever gave it to her. Hmmm.
One time we got in a huge fight over something and he left flowers on my door step. I knew it had to be him, but I didn’t say anything and neither did he. I hated those flowers. I could have burned them or stomped on them because they made me mad and I felt re-hurt every time I saw them. I left them outside. Effen flowers.
11) Darius gave me flowers once. Or rather he paid for them. I picked up a bunch of groceries and saw the most gorgeous yellow roses with orange tips. Obviously I had to have them, they were stunning and smelled divine. I think these could possibly the most perfect roses I’ve ever seen. Anyway, when I got home, Darius said he’d pay for the grocery bill. Sweet! When he saw the cost of the roses, he had a fit. I wish I would have timed it, but I think he went off for approximately eighteen minutes about the whole thing. I insisted I’d pay for them, but with pride he declined. Over the next week we had a number of guests come over and they each adored the flowers and when Darius said he bought them, the guests melted and thought he was the greatest. He soaked it up as though buying me flowers was his idea and he was happy to do it. Unbelievable.
12) My prom date’s mom got a corsage for him to give me. It was white. I accidentally crushed it in the door.
13) Attitude’s fiancé and her picked out a half dozen multicoloured flowers for me for my Calgary send off party. One of the heads came off and he taped it back on. I think it was yellow.
Out of all these flowers I think my favourite ones came from Lucky and Darius. I hope I get flowers at work one day, that’s always been a dream of mine.
Stella got flowers sent to her at work from her sweetie. *Sent* to her. How sweet is that?! She said she almost cried and then ran around work showing everyone- coworkers and clients. Apparently she beamed all day and keeps the card that came with the flowers in her pocket. They were her favourite kind of flowers. Oh yeah, he sent them to her for no reason. The card read, “Have a great day.”
I’ve been given flowers from men a few times.
1) Once, an ex-boyfriend tried to win me back with flowers. He busted out the, “I love you” line. I knew it was crap and called him on it. I accidentally dented his classic car the same night. It was locked, but didn’t close all the way, so I hip checked it. Whoops. The flowers were a generic bouquet that could have been given to his grandma if I didn’t want them.
2 and 3) Another time I got flowers from a guy I met on the internet (not Taco). Actually, that reminds me, Taco gave me a red rose. Even though this was really cliché, it was pretty. I was more impressed that he walked to get it. Maybe if it was pink or yellow or something I’d have liked it more. When it was getting wimpy looking, I cut off the flower and kept the stem. I’m an artist so I can do weird things like that. Anyway, the other internet guy gave me flowers, but I can’t really remember them. This is not a good sign.
4) I once got a rose bush for Valentines Day. The thought was nice. They were yellow and beautiful… until they died. I was never able to rejuvenate the flowers. Perhaps that is symbolic of the relationship. Ha.
5) I asked Spreadsheet once if he ever gave me flowers. He said he did, but I don’t remember. I think he’s making it up. But then again, maybe he did. Hmmm.
6) I think one of the most romantic flowers ever given to me was a pink rose that was picked out of the garden at the place I was staying. I was crazy about the guy and he was crazier about me. He got up early, climbed through the window and gave me the rose when I woke up. The guy was so sweet. I hear he’s in a heavy metal band now.
7) I thought I was going to die. It was late at night and I thought I’d take a short cut through the Empress Hotel garden. It was poorly lit and a guy sitting on some steps on the right said something. Then some guy jumped the fence on my left and started walking toward me signalling for me not to move. He held his hand behind his back maybe with a knife or something. Great, I was about to get mugged or stabbed to death and there was no one around. I was frozen and couldn’t move. He came within about two and a half feet of me, hand still behind his back. My eyes were huge. I stopped breathing. He whipped out a pink rose. I inhaled again.
8) When I worked at the hotel I was befriended by a hot Mexican guy. He wanted to take me out to dinner at midnight. I said yes. I think I must have been crazy. Darius nearly had a heart attack, so did Spreadsheet and Fairweather. They still chastise me. Anyway, the guy and I went for a beautiful secluded walk along the water and sat on some rocks and talked. He smelled so good. I can’t believe he didn’t try to kiss me. I might have gone for it too, he was beautiful. On the way back to the hotel we walked through a rose garden and he managed to break off one of the most fragrant yellow roses I’ve ever smelled. However, I was more flattered that he was willing to cut up his hands on the thorns. He bled all over the place and tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, it was endearing.
9) A while back, Lucky and I sat on the pathway. We were talking about life and love and whatever. I think I was venting about having my heart broken (possibly flower guy in #1?) and Lucky picked a red rose from the bush and gave it to me. He said he thought I was beautiful and that other guys were stupid. He offered to break the other guys’ knee caps. I never told Lucky… but I kept this flower and it’s shrivelled up and kind of nasty now. I still feel beautiful whenever I see it.
10) Fairweather has given me the most flowers because he knows how much I like them. I got a dozen long stem red roses for grad. He left them on my door step. Another time he gave Mocha and I a dozen roses for Valentines. I imagine those were crazy expensive at that time of year.
He gave me beautiful purple lilies (not the kind I’m allergic to) as a housewarming gift when I moved into Crazy Norma’s (actual name). I harvested the flowers and made the petals into a pulp useful as an ink. I decorated an envelope for Fernando because I know that’s the kind of thing she’d like. I wonder if I ever gave it to her. Hmmm.
One time we got in a huge fight over something and he left flowers on my door step. I knew it had to be him, but I didn’t say anything and neither did he. I hated those flowers. I could have burned them or stomped on them because they made me mad and I felt re-hurt every time I saw them. I left them outside. Effen flowers.
11) Darius gave me flowers once. Or rather he paid for them. I picked up a bunch of groceries and saw the most gorgeous yellow roses with orange tips. Obviously I had to have them, they were stunning and smelled divine. I think these could possibly the most perfect roses I’ve ever seen. Anyway, when I got home, Darius said he’d pay for the grocery bill. Sweet! When he saw the cost of the roses, he had a fit. I wish I would have timed it, but I think he went off for approximately eighteen minutes about the whole thing. I insisted I’d pay for them, but with pride he declined. Over the next week we had a number of guests come over and they each adored the flowers and when Darius said he bought them, the guests melted and thought he was the greatest. He soaked it up as though buying me flowers was his idea and he was happy to do it. Unbelievable.
12) My prom date’s mom got a corsage for him to give me. It was white. I accidentally crushed it in the door.
13) Attitude’s fiancé and her picked out a half dozen multicoloured flowers for me for my Calgary send off party. One of the heads came off and he taped it back on. I think it was yellow.
Out of all these flowers I think my favourite ones came from Lucky and Darius. I hope I get flowers at work one day, that’s always been a dream of mine.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Flashback Memory Friday: The Homesick Edition
I miss walking through Oak Bay and counting poodles on Sundays. I crave BBQ, salad, and chocolate covered strawberries. I miss swatting mosquitoes and eating popcorn with too much butter while trying to watch Muriel's Wedding. Annoying cat with shedding fur and dirty paws. I want to play botchee (sp?) ball with Jack in the orchard and try to sneak up on the deer. The Office isn't the same. Neither are margaritas or chicken ciabatta sandwiches with the mayo scraped off. I miss girl chat and giggles. I could go for some banter. Maybe some bingo. Perhaps I'd even show up to play pool, especially now that I know where it is. Midnight pancakes. Toilet papering cars. Blizzards. Starbucks. Walking. Eff.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Ode to Sea
This entry is a great big shout out to my sister Sea, who deserves props big time. She’s helped me out sooo much since September that it’s not even funny. That girl deserves a gold star. In case you think I’m sucking up, I’m not, she doesn’t even read my blog.
Here’s a list of reasons why Sea has been the coolest:
-She’s letting me stay with her for free until I pay off some bills
-She buys all the groceries (except for chocolate milk and cookies)
-She lets me organize the house however I want
-She drove me to work when I lost my keys and missed my bus. This is especially cool because she had already been at work and had to come home, get me, drive me to my work, and then go back to her work. (I now keep my keys in the same spot all the time)
-She listens to me vent/ramble about boys
-She lends me her clothes, shoes, jackets, and curling iron whenever I want
-She lets me use her cell phone when I go out late so I can call her if anything goes wrong
-She let Special stay over for the weekend even though she never met him and knew he is an Oilers fan (apparently this is a big deal)
-She lent me money to get a bunch of new clothes
-She records all three CSIs and The Office so I can watch them when I come home from work. She hates Horatio, but records him anyway, which is deep.
-She lets me tie up her phone for hours (cough cough… like for 4 hr and 15 min ;))
So this is merely a brief list of the coolest things she’s done for me. But it goes deeper than that, she genuinely cares and goes out of her way to let me know this J. There’s no lip service. I know I can count on her.
I try to show my appreciation with little things, but I don’t think they adequately show how grateful I am to her. When I get the chance, I make her lunches, write happy notes, bake her cookies, and keep the house clean. I empty the garbage, but she takes it out because the garbage room smells. I almost chundered Cheerios all over the place once, it was a bad scene.
My sister is cool.
Here’s a list of reasons why Sea has been the coolest:
-She’s letting me stay with her for free until I pay off some bills
-She buys all the groceries (except for chocolate milk and cookies)
-She lets me organize the house however I want
-She drove me to work when I lost my keys and missed my bus. This is especially cool because she had already been at work and had to come home, get me, drive me to my work, and then go back to her work. (I now keep my keys in the same spot all the time)
-She listens to me vent/ramble about boys
-She lends me her clothes, shoes, jackets, and curling iron whenever I want
-She lets me use her cell phone when I go out late so I can call her if anything goes wrong
-She let Special stay over for the weekend even though she never met him and knew he is an Oilers fan (apparently this is a big deal)
-She lent me money to get a bunch of new clothes
-She records all three CSIs and The Office so I can watch them when I come home from work. She hates Horatio, but records him anyway, which is deep.
-She lets me tie up her phone for hours (cough cough… like for 4 hr and 15 min ;))
So this is merely a brief list of the coolest things she’s done for me. But it goes deeper than that, she genuinely cares and goes out of her way to let me know this J. There’s no lip service. I know I can count on her.
I try to show my appreciation with little things, but I don’t think they adequately show how grateful I am to her. When I get the chance, I make her lunches, write happy notes, bake her cookies, and keep the house clean. I empty the garbage, but she takes it out because the garbage room smells. I almost chundered Cheerios all over the place once, it was a bad scene.
My sister is cool.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
My sisters are cute, but tough stuff too
Sea is the oldest, she’s 35 but looks my age. She’s blond and pretty. I have a guy friend who can't speak when she's in the room, it’s cute. At first I thought he was just being a snob. I call her Sea because she’s an author and that's her pen name. She's the one who threatened to kill the guy I was dancing with.
Attitude is 27 and she’s also hot. She’s got dark, almost black hair and huge black eyes with really long lashes. Guys love her rack because it’s huge. I call her Attitude because she’s super tough stuff. If she’s mad, she’ll punch someone out, even if it’s not the person who pissed her off in the first place. I learned from a young age not to mess with her because her eyes get blacker and bulge a bit when she’s about to take someone down. I accidentally cut her thumb with gardening shears when we were kids. I thought she was going to kill me. However, when she’s in good humour, her eyes sparkle and she giggles so sweetly that you’d never know she has the potential to rip your head off.
My younger sister Latina is 21 and is about a size one. She has big brown eyes that are lighter than Attitude's, but they have the same long lashes. Her eyebrows are perfect. Above her big lips she has a mole like Cindy Crawford. I call her Latina because she’s really passionate. She can go from sweet and smiley to venomous in about two seconds. I don’t mean this in a bad way, it’s just who she is.
Latina is a traffic hazard: wherever she walks guys almost crash their vehicles craning their necks for a glance at her. I’m convinced that if she were to wear a potatoe sack, a trucker hat, and green gumboots, men would still offer to take her out for dinner. Her wedding ring and the baby on her hip don’t deter them at all. It’s like she has an aura of love powder and guys can’t think straight if they get a whiff of it. If I find out where this powder can be purchased, I’ll let you know.
Even though she’s tiny and incredibly feminine looking, she can kick some serious butt. If there’s something on her mind, she’ll let you have it. No sugar coating. And like Attitude, she’ll take you down. Ka Pow! Batman style. Seriously. She’s like a pitbull attack dog. Once she plowed a man in the face.
My baby sister Rugby is 14 and she’s tough too. She’s about 6 feet tall, wears men’s sneakers (because women’s don’t fit) and she’s muscular. At school she beats up the bullies. Her rugby coach says she’s got a promising future. No kidding. I went to one of her games and she was like a bowling ball rolling down the field with little bowling pin kids flying all over the place. Two kids clung to her calves in a feeble attempt to bring her down. But before you think she’s an amazon woman or something, she has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re the most stunning blue. Rugby also gives the best hugs.
Attitude is 27 and she’s also hot. She’s got dark, almost black hair and huge black eyes with really long lashes. Guys love her rack because it’s huge. I call her Attitude because she’s super tough stuff. If she’s mad, she’ll punch someone out, even if it’s not the person who pissed her off in the first place. I learned from a young age not to mess with her because her eyes get blacker and bulge a bit when she’s about to take someone down. I accidentally cut her thumb with gardening shears when we were kids. I thought she was going to kill me. However, when she’s in good humour, her eyes sparkle and she giggles so sweetly that you’d never know she has the potential to rip your head off.
My younger sister Latina is 21 and is about a size one. She has big brown eyes that are lighter than Attitude's, but they have the same long lashes. Her eyebrows are perfect. Above her big lips she has a mole like Cindy Crawford. I call her Latina because she’s really passionate. She can go from sweet and smiley to venomous in about two seconds. I don’t mean this in a bad way, it’s just who she is.
Latina is a traffic hazard: wherever she walks guys almost crash their vehicles craning their necks for a glance at her. I’m convinced that if she were to wear a potatoe sack, a trucker hat, and green gumboots, men would still offer to take her out for dinner. Her wedding ring and the baby on her hip don’t deter them at all. It’s like she has an aura of love powder and guys can’t think straight if they get a whiff of it. If I find out where this powder can be purchased, I’ll let you know.
Even though she’s tiny and incredibly feminine looking, she can kick some serious butt. If there’s something on her mind, she’ll let you have it. No sugar coating. And like Attitude, she’ll take you down. Ka Pow! Batman style. Seriously. She’s like a pitbull attack dog. Once she plowed a man in the face.
My baby sister Rugby is 14 and she’s tough too. She’s about 6 feet tall, wears men’s sneakers (because women’s don’t fit) and she’s muscular. At school she beats up the bullies. Her rugby coach says she’s got a promising future. No kidding. I went to one of her games and she was like a bowling ball rolling down the field with little bowling pin kids flying all over the place. Two kids clung to her calves in a feeble attempt to bring her down. But before you think she’s an amazon woman or something, she has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re the most stunning blue. Rugby also gives the best hugs.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Cheapskate Tuesday: How to get free drinks at Starbucks
When you order a peppermint mocha while it’s busy, and the young barista accidentally splashes you with the peppermint syrup, make a big deal about it. Joke that he got you in the eye and pretend to wipe it off your arm.
Ten minutes later, when he realizes he forgot to make the rest of your drink, he will feel terrible and apologize profusely. Play into his guilt. Razz him that he’s showing you no love and ask what you did wrong. Remind him about the syrup incident and act confused and heartbroken. Make sure not to carry it too far, we don’t want to push the young guy over the edge. Laugh and ensure him that you’re fine and not in a hurry or anything.
An hour later when it’s slow and you’re still catching up on your blog, he’ll show up with a second beverage and a smile. He’s not Karl, but the next time you come, he’ll remember your drink and make a larger version of it for you. Awesome.
Ten minutes later, when he realizes he forgot to make the rest of your drink, he will feel terrible and apologize profusely. Play into his guilt. Razz him that he’s showing you no love and ask what you did wrong. Remind him about the syrup incident and act confused and heartbroken. Make sure not to carry it too far, we don’t want to push the young guy over the edge. Laugh and ensure him that you’re fine and not in a hurry or anything.
An hour later when it’s slow and you’re still catching up on your blog, he’ll show up with a second beverage and a smile. He’s not Karl, but the next time you come, he’ll remember your drink and make a larger version of it for you. Awesome.
Monday, November 17, 2008
As some single girls reading this know, there are two ways to approach a girlfriend who gets a new man in her life: 1) You can hate her for having a man when you don’t, cringe when she mentions his name, and secretly hope he’s a bad kisser. Or 2) Be stoked for her and live vicariously through her romance. I'm opting for vicarious living.
Sea's dating a sporty guy who shaves his head and offered to cook for us. We sit on her bed and labour over what she should wear on her dates. Is the black shirt with the button snaps too dressy? Does it go with the green khakis? It doesn’t make her butt look big does it? Nope. Maybe a pink sweater would be nice and feminine? Hair up or down? Down. After the dates we analyze everything that was said. Since they’ve been on three dates, does that mean they’re dating or seeing each other? Are they boyfriend and girlfriend?
We decided that dating is when two people go places together but aren't committed. Seeing someone means you're sleeping together but not committed. Sea thinks someone is your boyfriend or girlfriend if you’ve slept together and are committed. But what if there’s commitment and no sex? We decided you can call each other boyfriend and girlfriend in that case too. Sometimes Christians use the term “courting." I think that means you like someone and want to get to know him or her, but you don’t want to call it dating because there’s no commitment in that. Courting doesn’t involve sex.
My other sister Attitude just got engaged. How exciting is that?! To celebrate, I stuck my foot in my mouth:
She phoned me excitedly and said, “Heidi, this is my official phone call to ask you if you wanted to be a part of my—”
“I’ll totally be your maid of honour!” I interjected, “Er, I mean… uhhh… whoops.”
Fortunately she saw the humour in my faux pas and confirmed that she wanted me to be her maid of honour. What was I thinking? (Sometimes I wonder how I can have such bad social skills. I think that’s why I like Grisham from CSI Las Vegas.) I can’t wait to help her with everything. She’ll be such a beautiful bride. Maybe I’ll start doing sit ups. Or... maybe I’ll order another frapaccino. Hmmm.
Stella’s “special guy” who lives in another town sometimes takes pictures on his cellphone throughout the day and sends them to her so it’s not like they’re far apart. She loves it. I think it’s sweet. If I date someone, I hope he does that. She has her e-mails delivered to his phone. I’m not sure how that works.
Sea's dating a sporty guy who shaves his head and offered to cook for us. We sit on her bed and labour over what she should wear on her dates. Is the black shirt with the button snaps too dressy? Does it go with the green khakis? It doesn’t make her butt look big does it? Nope. Maybe a pink sweater would be nice and feminine? Hair up or down? Down. After the dates we analyze everything that was said. Since they’ve been on three dates, does that mean they’re dating or seeing each other? Are they boyfriend and girlfriend?
We decided that dating is when two people go places together but aren't committed. Seeing someone means you're sleeping together but not committed. Sea thinks someone is your boyfriend or girlfriend if you’ve slept together and are committed. But what if there’s commitment and no sex? We decided you can call each other boyfriend and girlfriend in that case too. Sometimes Christians use the term “courting." I think that means you like someone and want to get to know him or her, but you don’t want to call it dating because there’s no commitment in that. Courting doesn’t involve sex.
My other sister Attitude just got engaged. How exciting is that?! To celebrate, I stuck my foot in my mouth:
She phoned me excitedly and said, “Heidi, this is my official phone call to ask you if you wanted to be a part of my—”
“I’ll totally be your maid of honour!” I interjected, “Er, I mean… uhhh… whoops.”
Fortunately she saw the humour in my faux pas and confirmed that she wanted me to be her maid of honour. What was I thinking? (Sometimes I wonder how I can have such bad social skills. I think that’s why I like Grisham from CSI Las Vegas.) I can’t wait to help her with everything. She’ll be such a beautiful bride. Maybe I’ll start doing sit ups. Or... maybe I’ll order another frapaccino. Hmmm.
Stella’s “special guy” who lives in another town sometimes takes pictures on his cellphone throughout the day and sends them to her so it’s not like they’re far apart. She loves it. I think it’s sweet. If I date someone, I hope he does that. She has her e-mails delivered to his phone. I’m not sure how that works.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Last night was crazy
I rode in a limo, danced with Elvis (complete with blue shades, white cape, and six inch silver platforms), and twirled in my dress as the snow fell.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Ewwwwwwww!
At work, Soother Boy and I were at the beverage station grabbing drinks for our tables. He accidentally brushed my buttocks with the ice scoop and appologized. 1990, shudder. Ice scoop. Shudder.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Flashback Memory Friday: The Taco Chronicles 2
For some reason, Taco didn't turn around and get back on the ferry after the Spiderman costume incident. Maybe he should have, it would have saved me grief later on.
Long story short, we ended up kissing. However, I didn't take his 5 o'clock shadow into account. That man has the thickest facial hair I've ever seen, I'm talking bush man material if he grew it out. It literally took the skin right of my chin. Not only did this make for unpleasant kissing, which it totally did, but it later looked like I scraped my chin. Imagine trying to hide that? A band aid? Nope, too ridiculous... plus I only had Sponge Bob band aids. Make up? No, that would probably look clumpy and lead to infection. So I left it.
It was Christmas Eve. "Oh my goodness! Heidi, what happened to your face?!" It was ugly, I'm not going to lie. I tried to joke around it. "Uhhh, skateboarding accident." My brother busted me on that one. "Heidi, you've had the same skateboard behind your door, with the plastic wrap on it for two years." Now everyone was attentive and pressed me harder for information. No joking this one off. Darius didn't buy it either, he stayed at my house and knew about the date. Dang. Most *cool* dads would probably try to cover for their daughters. All eyes were on me. People knew there was a real explanation and they were waiting for it. They spent the next twenty minutes razzing me. I finally gave in.
There are reasons I don't introduce the guys I like to my family. When I was in high school, I brought Stereo Mike home. Ten steps into the house my brother squirted him with a water gun and Latina threw a basketball at his head. If that wasn't enough, my mom and her friend thought it would be funny to ask him what his intentions were with me. First date, thanks guys.
Actually, come to think of it, I think my family has been trying to sabotage my love life all along. Back in the day when I went to the bar with Sea (I may or may not have been underage), I was dancing with Mr. Guy in a baseball cap. Apparently he was a little too friendly with Sea's kid sister for her liking. She asked to cut in and dance with him. Sure. I went and got another long island iced tea. When I came back to dance with him, he wouldn't come near me. What's the deal with that? I tried to get closer, but he just backed away. He said Sea threatened him. WHAT?! If he touched me again, she'd kill him.
This reminds me of a time I went to the pool with Sea and Darius. I was supposed to meet them in the hot tub. Being a teen, I was the last one there. Cute little bikini and hair in place, I entered the tub. Darius says six guys swarmed me. I chatted with them until Darius glided through the water and exclaimed, "I'm her father and I've got a gun you know!" They scattered like bowling pins. Thanks Dad.
There was also the time my auntie chased down some guy named Steve and tried to set me up with him. She actually *ran* after him and introduced herself and told him she had a lovely niece she'd like him to meet. I was standing right there. Awkward much?
Sometimes people ask me why I'm still single.
Long story short, we ended up kissing. However, I didn't take his 5 o'clock shadow into account. That man has the thickest facial hair I've ever seen, I'm talking bush man material if he grew it out. It literally took the skin right of my chin. Not only did this make for unpleasant kissing, which it totally did, but it later looked like I scraped my chin. Imagine trying to hide that? A band aid? Nope, too ridiculous... plus I only had Sponge Bob band aids. Make up? No, that would probably look clumpy and lead to infection. So I left it.
It was Christmas Eve. "Oh my goodness! Heidi, what happened to your face?!" It was ugly, I'm not going to lie. I tried to joke around it. "Uhhh, skateboarding accident." My brother busted me on that one. "Heidi, you've had the same skateboard behind your door, with the plastic wrap on it for two years." Now everyone was attentive and pressed me harder for information. No joking this one off. Darius didn't buy it either, he stayed at my house and knew about the date. Dang. Most *cool* dads would probably try to cover for their daughters. All eyes were on me. People knew there was a real explanation and they were waiting for it. They spent the next twenty minutes razzing me. I finally gave in.
There are reasons I don't introduce the guys I like to my family. When I was in high school, I brought Stereo Mike home. Ten steps into the house my brother squirted him with a water gun and Latina threw a basketball at his head. If that wasn't enough, my mom and her friend thought it would be funny to ask him what his intentions were with me. First date, thanks guys.
Actually, come to think of it, I think my family has been trying to sabotage my love life all along. Back in the day when I went to the bar with Sea (I may or may not have been underage), I was dancing with Mr. Guy in a baseball cap. Apparently he was a little too friendly with Sea's kid sister for her liking. She asked to cut in and dance with him. Sure. I went and got another long island iced tea. When I came back to dance with him, he wouldn't come near me. What's the deal with that? I tried to get closer, but he just backed away. He said Sea threatened him. WHAT?! If he touched me again, she'd kill him.
This reminds me of a time I went to the pool with Sea and Darius. I was supposed to meet them in the hot tub. Being a teen, I was the last one there. Cute little bikini and hair in place, I entered the tub. Darius says six guys swarmed me. I chatted with them until Darius glided through the water and exclaimed, "I'm her father and I've got a gun you know!" They scattered like bowling pins. Thanks Dad.
There was also the time my auntie chased down some guy named Steve and tried to set me up with him. She actually *ran* after him and introduced herself and told him she had a lovely niece she'd like him to meet. I was standing right there. Awkward much?
Sometimes people ask me why I'm still single.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Happy Red Cup Day to all!
Today the red cups came out at Starbucks and launched the Christmas season for me. I'm convinced this makes their drinks taste better. I smiled all the way to work: no one could bring me down. Not on Red Cup Day.
However, I miss Karl. I miss his big brown eyes, his awkward conversation, and the way he smiles at the floor and then back up at me after he drops something. But, I think I have a new crush. Well, kind of a crush.
There's a new barista in my life: her name is Leanna. I'm straight and don't swing Katie Perry style, but she's the best! Yesterday she made me a peppermint java chip frapacino with extra mocha and no whip, which is my favourite beverage of all time. Not only did she make it right (it's a pretty complicated order), but she exceded my expectations. I've been a Starbucks addict for a good six years now. I've been with a lot of beverages, I have experience. However, I don't think I've had such a perfect frappacino. It was soooo chocolatey. Leanna drizzeled chocolate sauce all over the inside of the empty cup in cool designs. Then she made a flower design with chocolate sauce on the top. Wow.
___________________________
-Grandmas on the bus today: 4
-Bought chocolate milk ;)
However, I miss Karl. I miss his big brown eyes, his awkward conversation, and the way he smiles at the floor and then back up at me after he drops something. But, I think I have a new crush. Well, kind of a crush.
There's a new barista in my life: her name is Leanna. I'm straight and don't swing Katie Perry style, but she's the best! Yesterday she made me a peppermint java chip frapacino with extra mocha and no whip, which is my favourite beverage of all time. Not only did she make it right (it's a pretty complicated order), but she exceded my expectations. I've been a Starbucks addict for a good six years now. I've been with a lot of beverages, I have experience. However, I don't think I've had such a perfect frappacino. It was soooo chocolatey. Leanna drizzeled chocolate sauce all over the inside of the empty cup in cool designs. Then she made a flower design with chocolate sauce on the top. Wow.
___________________________
-Grandmas on the bus today: 4
-Bought chocolate milk ;)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A month minus 12 days until December
Yesterday I thought I'd phone Gosh after he left for work and leave a message on his phone to let him know I was thinking of him. Turns out it was a holiday, he was sleeping, and BC is an hour behind. Heh heh, I'd like to say I felt bad- I even apologized and offered to let him go back to bed. But really I was just happy to hear his voice.
Stella calls her crush (are they dating yet?) each morning before she goes to work. It makes him feel valued and inspired to work harder (or something like that). He tells her she's beautiful and she loves it. My sister Latina wakes up with her husband every time he goes to work. They usually wake up at five or five thirty am. That's straight up crazy, especially on a Saturday morning. He says his day is rotten unless she wakes up with him. Maybe I'm not in love and that's why I don't understand these things. I think if some guy woke me up to say good bye to him, I'd throw my alarm clock at him. Maybe a lamp.
______________________________________
Weird Calgary News Update for Today:
-Yesterday some lady in the North East found a grenade in her back yard. She took it to the fire station.
-Some guy abducted a woman at gun point from her work so he could sexually assault her. Something else about him stealing a car from a senior citizen.
Stella calls her crush (are they dating yet?) each morning before she goes to work. It makes him feel valued and inspired to work harder (or something like that). He tells her she's beautiful and she loves it. My sister Latina wakes up with her husband every time he goes to work. They usually wake up at five or five thirty am. That's straight up crazy, especially on a Saturday morning. He says his day is rotten unless she wakes up with him. Maybe I'm not in love and that's why I don't understand these things. I think if some guy woke me up to say good bye to him, I'd throw my alarm clock at him. Maybe a lamp.
______________________________________
Weird Calgary News Update for Today:
-Yesterday some lady in the North East found a grenade in her back yard. She took it to the fire station.
-Some guy abducted a woman at gun point from her work so he could sexually assault her. Something else about him stealing a car from a senior citizen.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Cheepskate Tuesday: How Edward Scissorhands can save you money
With my hair short, I notice sooner how fast it grows. This means it looks shaggy and loses its style faster. Being a cheapskate, I thought I'd save the twenty bucks (which could then be spent at Starbucks) and cut it myself. Have you ever tried to snip the hair behind your head? It's not that easy. Initially I thought I'd just cut a bit off the bottom. Then I decided to trim off some of the "bulk". Heck, why not create a unique new style?!
Now I've got a sideways mullet. My hair is pretty short on the left and sweeps across my forehead and hangs longer on my right. It reminds me of a comb over. Actually, I think it looks kind of cool.
Moral of the story: Maybe late at night is not the best time to cut your own hair ;)
Now I've got a sideways mullet. My hair is pretty short on the left and sweeps across my forehead and hangs longer on my right. It reminds me of a comb over. Actually, I think it looks kind of cool.
Moral of the story: Maybe late at night is not the best time to cut your own hair ;)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Advice from a coworker
Watch out for the bartender, he's a dog and will try to sleep with anyone. Ok, thanks. She doesn't know me well enough to know that wouldn't be a problem.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Beware: Rain cloud entry
Tonight I'm grouchy. I'm annoyed that things aren't going the way I want them to. I'm pissed that I don't trust that people mean what they say. I hate that I could be misinterpretting. I'm irked that things change when I'm not ready for them to. Why the fuck are we out of chocolate milk already?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Burn the retinas of my imagination please!
I hung out with Special today. I'd like to say things were awesome, and for the most part they were, however, there is a bit of a problem. See, last week Special called me on the way to water polo. Not a big deal right? Wrong. Before going to play, he planned to stop by a swim shop and pick up a Speedo. I laughed and teased him about it. Turns out he was serious. He intended to exchange money that he had earned for a tiny piece of stretchy fabric to wrap around his gear. This was a conscious decision. I tried to warn him and talk him out of it, but he wouldn't listen.
I mentioned before that Special is six foot four, which is pretty tall. This means he has looooong legs and a looooong torso. In between the two he wore that stretchy piece of fabric pulled over his manliness. Shudder. Fortunately I never saw it, I just heard about it and that was definitely bad enough. He informed me that it was black and that he made it look good. That's not cool, I don't think he should have told me anything about it. After Genuine and I had the double neon Speedo attack in Mexico, I've been a little traumatized. So, today the whole time I was with Special, I had to repeatedly repress the spandex imagery. I could baredly look him in the eyes. We went to Starbucks- I went with Speedo man. We walked around downtown- I walked with Speedo man. We went up the Calgary Tower- Speedo man. Then we watched The Matrix for seven hours. I sat next to Speedo man. I pictured him diving into the water like that. Shudder. How am I ever going to get this out of my head?! I think some things should never be imagined. I wish Will Smith would beam me in the eye with one of those Men in Black pens.
I mentioned before that Special is six foot four, which is pretty tall. This means he has looooong legs and a looooong torso. In between the two he wore that stretchy piece of fabric pulled over his manliness. Shudder. Fortunately I never saw it, I just heard about it and that was definitely bad enough. He informed me that it was black and that he made it look good. That's not cool, I don't think he should have told me anything about it. After Genuine and I had the double neon Speedo attack in Mexico, I've been a little traumatized. So, today the whole time I was with Special, I had to repeatedly repress the spandex imagery. I could baredly look him in the eyes. We went to Starbucks- I went with Speedo man. We walked around downtown- I walked with Speedo man. We went up the Calgary Tower- Speedo man. Then we watched The Matrix for seven hours. I sat next to Speedo man. I pictured him diving into the water like that. Shudder. How am I ever going to get this out of my head?! I think some things should never be imagined. I wish Will Smith would beam me in the eye with one of those Men in Black pens.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Flashback Memory Friday: The Taco Chronicles
Apparently this move wasn't cool. I had no idea, I thought it was guaranteed to be a success. Whenever I tell people what happened, they burst out in laughter as though it was preposterous for me to have any faith in that idea. How did I miss that? Hmmm, maybe that's why I'm still single.
Alright, so a year ago (ish) when I lived in Victoria I decided to try my luck at online dating. I should have known better, because I tried that once and it did not go well. Maybe the second time would be a charm?
So I met this guy online, he was six foot four (awesome!), had dark hair, dark eyes, and one of those sexy soul patches. I'm a sucker for a soul patch. Anyway, we talked a lot on the phone, joked around and things seemed to be going fantastically. Finally, we decided to meet up. Fernando was out of town for the week and said he could stay at her place. (Side note: that's a pretty dang good friend eh? I mean, would you let a friend have some strange dude sleep in *your* bed while you were gone? Maybe she was desperate for a cat sitter, I'm not sure. Regardless, it was super cool.) Anyway, I was feeling a lot of pressure to create the perfect first impression. Do I go for the girl next door look? The trendy look? The comfy sporty look? How do I wear my hair? Should I wear heels so I seemed taller? Do I go with the red ones or are those too pointy? Maybe he'd think I was Cruella Deville in them or something. Hmmm. Tough call.
Then I got a brilliant idea! We joked around a lot on the phone, so I thought maybe I should go for the funny approach. Guys *love* it when a girl can make them laugh. Plus it lightens the mood. Perfect. The guy, lets call him "Taco", is an avid comic book fan. He collects comics, comic character action figures, and comic character belt buckles. I figured this was my in. See, if he loved comics and I dressed up like one of his favourite characters, he'd love me too! Makes sense right?
Turns out this idea sucked. Big time. Turns out a guy wants to date a woman, not Spiderman, even if Spiderman has breasts and long hair. To be fair, he showed up after cutting his own hair and spilling gravy on his shirt.
Alright, so a year ago (ish) when I lived in Victoria I decided to try my luck at online dating. I should have known better, because I tried that once and it did not go well. Maybe the second time would be a charm?
So I met this guy online, he was six foot four (awesome!), had dark hair, dark eyes, and one of those sexy soul patches. I'm a sucker for a soul patch. Anyway, we talked a lot on the phone, joked around and things seemed to be going fantastically. Finally, we decided to meet up. Fernando was out of town for the week and said he could stay at her place. (Side note: that's a pretty dang good friend eh? I mean, would you let a friend have some strange dude sleep in *your* bed while you were gone? Maybe she was desperate for a cat sitter, I'm not sure. Regardless, it was super cool.) Anyway, I was feeling a lot of pressure to create the perfect first impression. Do I go for the girl next door look? The trendy look? The comfy sporty look? How do I wear my hair? Should I wear heels so I seemed taller? Do I go with the red ones or are those too pointy? Maybe he'd think I was Cruella Deville in them or something. Hmmm. Tough call.
Then I got a brilliant idea! We joked around a lot on the phone, so I thought maybe I should go for the funny approach. Guys *love* it when a girl can make them laugh. Plus it lightens the mood. Perfect. The guy, lets call him "Taco", is an avid comic book fan. He collects comics, comic character action figures, and comic character belt buckles. I figured this was my in. See, if he loved comics and I dressed up like one of his favourite characters, he'd love me too! Makes sense right?
Turns out this idea sucked. Big time. Turns out a guy wants to date a woman, not Spiderman, even if Spiderman has breasts and long hair. To be fair, he showed up after cutting his own hair and spilling gravy on his shirt.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Stella's sappy date
Super cute story. My friend Stella has a crush on a boy and he likes her too. (That actually happens to people?) Anyway, they live in separate towns and don’t get to see each other very often so she told me they are going to go on a unique date. They plan to dress up in their separate towns and rent the same movie, but talk on the phone while they watch it so that it’s like they’re together. How cute is that?! Ok, maybe it makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit… but it is endearing isn't it? Go Stella go!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Grandma's got it going on
The other day I took the bus at 10am for a change and was surprised to see how many grandmas were rockin’ the public transit. It was weird. I mean, normally I see about one, maybe two grandmas max on a bus, but there were about six of them. They all got off at different stops too and none of them seemed to know each other. This happened again today. Weird eh? But then I figured it out!
Turns out the grandmas are brilliant! I’m convinced they ride the bus at 10am to scope out the mail men. I’m not kidding. Laugh if you want, but I’m sure it’s true. The mail men here are hot and at 10 am they are out in full force. We must have seen about five of them hitting the pavement. Pervy old grannies, good for them. Ha.
Turns out the grandmas are brilliant! I’m convinced they ride the bus at 10am to scope out the mail men. I’m not kidding. Laugh if you want, but I’m sure it’s true. The mail men here are hot and at 10 am they are out in full force. We must have seen about five of them hitting the pavement. Pervy old grannies, good for them. Ha.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Confession Tuesday: Variations of "Bay"
First of all, sorry about last Cheapskate Tuesday, I got so distracted by boys that I forgot which day it was, my bad. Another thing I’ve been thinking lately is that Cheapskate Tuesday entries really aren’t sustainable if I do them every week (I’m simply not cheap enough yet), so I’m thinking of alternating Cheapskate Tuesday with Confession Tuesday.
To get things rolling, today will be the first Confession Tuesday entry. It’s really bad too. I told Special about it in the car the other day and he agrees. He wasn’t sure I should post it at all. Anyway, here goes:
I’ve dated a bit, but I’d say I’ve only had two serious relationships, the first one was with Mechanic Guy for a year and a half and the second one was with Spreed Sheet for three yearsish. Mechanic Guy used to call me Dear or Baby and I called him Bay. I think it was a shortened version of Baby. Who knows. Anyway, years later when Spreed Sheet and I started dating, I accidentally called him Bay. Whoops! I don’t know what happened, it just slipped out. However, he loved it so much that I couldn’t stop it. Now what? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be offended. How bad is that?! You can’t call two boyfriends by the same nickname, that’s terrible! So, I never told him and to make me feel less guilty, I spelled it “Bai”.
To get things rolling, today will be the first Confession Tuesday entry. It’s really bad too. I told Special about it in the car the other day and he agrees. He wasn’t sure I should post it at all. Anyway, here goes:
I’ve dated a bit, but I’d say I’ve only had two serious relationships, the first one was with Mechanic Guy for a year and a half and the second one was with Spreed Sheet for three yearsish. Mechanic Guy used to call me Dear or Baby and I called him Bay. I think it was a shortened version of Baby. Who knows. Anyway, years later when Spreed Sheet and I started dating, I accidentally called him Bay. Whoops! I don’t know what happened, it just slipped out. However, he loved it so much that I couldn’t stop it. Now what? I couldn’t tell him, he’d be offended. How bad is that?! You can’t call two boyfriends by the same nickname, that’s terrible! So, I never told him and to make me feel less guilty, I spelled it “Bai”.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Reap whatcha sow
Famished after work, I grabbed the box of crackers from the cupboard. Some jerk left the box practically empty. Then I realized it was me. I ate an apple instead.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Inventing new games to the smell of chicken
I think my Starbucks standards are plummeting. Since there are virtually no Starbucks here, I’ve had to start going to Safeway to get my drinks. It’s rough. Safeway has no atmosphere. I guess technically it does, but that atmosphere SUCKS. The Starbucks is near the door where people with their whiny kids stream by. Sigh. I have to sit at a couple of wimpy tables next to the hot chicken. Did I mention the fluorescent lighting? Yep, things have gone downhill for me.
I think the worst part is the lack of music. In fact, the other day an advertisement came over the intercom informing customers that Purex was on sale. Something about superior softness and embossed tissue designs. Awesome, I love thinking about my ass while I’m trying to enjoy a mocha. Shudder.
There are also security guards everywhere here, including the grocery stores. Maybe that’s for all the people trying to shoplift rolls of Purex when it’s not on sale. Naturally, the security dude hangs out by the doors so I feel like I’m sharing my table with him. It used to make me nervous, but after a while, I decided to turn this uncomfortable situation into a game. I decided to *try* and look suspicious to see what would happen. Sometimes I pick up Starbucks mugs and look over my shoulder at the guard to see if I can stir up some suspicion. Other times, I come in with a Safeway bag from home and take things in and out of the bag to make him wonder if I’m slipping in a little something extra. So far nothing has happened. I think that means I’m winning the game.
I started another game, but this one doesn't involve a dude with his pants hiked up too high. It’s called the slurpee game and anyone can play. One day I noticed that someone left a giant slurpee cup on a shelf. The person placed it behind some other items so it could only be seen from the side of the shelf. Instinctively, I was tempted to put it in the garbage but I resisted and decided to see how long it would remain there. It was there a week and a half... but I’m not exactly sure if I won or lost the slurpee game. I guess it doesn’t matter as long as it takes my mind off of the smell of chicken.
I think the worst part is the lack of music. In fact, the other day an advertisement came over the intercom informing customers that Purex was on sale. Something about superior softness and embossed tissue designs. Awesome, I love thinking about my ass while I’m trying to enjoy a mocha. Shudder.
There are also security guards everywhere here, including the grocery stores. Maybe that’s for all the people trying to shoplift rolls of Purex when it’s not on sale. Naturally, the security dude hangs out by the doors so I feel like I’m sharing my table with him. It used to make me nervous, but after a while, I decided to turn this uncomfortable situation into a game. I decided to *try* and look suspicious to see what would happen. Sometimes I pick up Starbucks mugs and look over my shoulder at the guard to see if I can stir up some suspicion. Other times, I come in with a Safeway bag from home and take things in and out of the bag to make him wonder if I’m slipping in a little something extra. So far nothing has happened. I think that means I’m winning the game.
I started another game, but this one doesn't involve a dude with his pants hiked up too high. It’s called the slurpee game and anyone can play. One day I noticed that someone left a giant slurpee cup on a shelf. The person placed it behind some other items so it could only be seen from the side of the shelf. Instinctively, I was tempted to put it in the garbage but I resisted and decided to see how long it would remain there. It was there a week and a half... but I’m not exactly sure if I won or lost the slurpee game. I guess it doesn’t matter as long as it takes my mind off of the smell of chicken.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Guy on the right wins
I wonder if people ever stop wanting to be "cool." I doubt it. My friend Genuine is cool. She lives in a trendy new condo complex called The Verve, which sounds like the name of a club or a hot new band. The complex has a number of buildings that center around a sand volleyball court and a pool. I think there is a rule that no ugly people are allowed to live there. Mocha and I peer through the blinds and debate which guy who lives across the way is cuter. She thinks the guy on the left, but I disagree. The guy on right is more fit, dresses better, and has a great fashion and decorating sense. We think he shops at Ikea and might be metrosexual. The guy on the left busted us peepin' and now Genuine keeps her blinds closed all the time. She was not impressed with us. I still think the guy on the right is better looking.
Genuine is hot. Normally, I’d probably secretly hate her, but she is also one of the kindest people I’ve met. She is model tall, has the best blue eyes, and a great rack to boot. I don't think she knows she's cute. (By the way, I'm straight- so don't wonder or anything.) Anyway, I like that she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and puts others before herself. I think I’d like to be more like that.
Genuine is hot. Normally, I’d probably secretly hate her, but she is also one of the kindest people I’ve met. She is model tall, has the best blue eyes, and a great rack to boot. I don't think she knows she's cute. (By the way, I'm straight- so don't wonder or anything.) Anyway, I like that she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and puts others before herself. I think I’d like to be more like that.
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