Gramps likes to listen to the TV at top volume and is obsessed with the US election right now. I wonder sometimes if he thinks he's American. He also watches the US news channel. I don't know why he needs to know about the crime in LA and why he wants to hear it at volume 20. But the election occupies his mind and that makes him happy. Perhaps surround sound makes him feel like he's in the auditorium listening to the debate, kind of like an old person vacation. I wonder what Hawaii Five-O is like in surround sound. Maybe I could sit under a heat lamp and watch it. Where's my pina colada mix?
Anyway, Gramps likes to bust out his fart machine. It's got a speaker and a remote control device. Sometimes, he hides it under someone's chair and presses the remote. He did that at my grandma's bible study once. Other times he puts it in his pocket and keeps a straight face while he presses the button. He's 96 so people figure he's lost control of his bowels or something and try to assure him that these things happen. He hams it up some more to test people's reactions. We've got a video of this.
The whole thing got me thinking about farting. I mean, why do we crack up when someone rips one? What's hilarious about fecal air reverberating off of rectum walls? Who knows. Meep informed me however, that it's not funny when you do this in front of boys that you like. Ok, noted. I really messed this up at a dinner I went to with a group of friends and a crush I was trying to impress. I started by bringing gross broccoli (strike one). Then I shared a story about the time I ate a whole pound of bacon to myself. Shut up Heidi, shut up. Then I thought I'd let a "sneaky" little fart out slowly and quietly. Turns out farts are amplified on wooden chairs and echo with high ceilings. Good to know. Would have been better to know earlier. Why didn't that guy give me his number?
(I didn't see Karl today, but I ordered a Vivanno at a different store. Someone said I'm not old enough to be a cougar. How old does one have to be?)
2 comments:
Cool! Where do I get a fart machine? The kids would make me thier hero!!
I'm old enough to be a cougar, 30's, but I don't know the official entry point. Could be a good factoid to know. Anyone?
My gramps says that you can get them from a joke shop that is downtown on Douglas. Try looking up joke shops in the phone book. Seriously, they're awesome!
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