Cheapskate Tuesday

I am so mad at myself right now. Cough cough... I may or may not have run out of toilet paper. I'd like to go out and buy some, but my car is in the shop and we still aren't speaking. So instead I thought I'd use Kleenex. That was working out fine until I noticed it leaves bits of toilet paper in my undies. That's friggin' not cool at all. Gross! My luck, I'd get in an accident (obviously not in my car- but maybe on my bike?) and I'd end up with the hottest ambulance attendant.

I think the part that bothers me the most is that I just spent 45 minutes of my life (which I can never get back) walking to the store to get eggs. Beside the store is a Starbucks, so I stopped in and got a drink. It made me feel like I was cheating on Karl a little bit, but let's face it Karl you haven't even asked for my number! If I walked to Karl's store, it would have been another 20 minutes of my life and he might not have been working. In fact, I might have got that grouchy lady who scowls at me when it's busy. She scares me.

At the convenience store, I almost got arrested for shop lifting. True story. I was thinking about the stupid price of eggs there, and the stupid fact I'd have to carry them, and the stupid fact I'd have to walk all the way home and my stupid MP3 player ran out of batteries, and my car and I are still fighting. Arg. Anyway, while I was stewing about these things, I absent mindedly started walking away with the eggs in my handbag. Heading for the door, I realized that my bag was making some jangling sound and it occurred to me that I hadn't paid for the eggs! I had become a thief and some guy named Chunky Chip was going to start yelling, "Freeze!" and knock me to the floor before pepperspraying my eyes. My students would learn I was an egg crook and was probably in prison getting in a fight with Angry Betty, or having Rough Rhonda give me a tattoo with a jagged spoon. I never want it to go down like that. Fortunately I realized this before Chip did and I took the overpriced eggs to the till. Jesus knows.

I don't have tattoos right now, but I don't have toilet paper either. Hmmm. I'm pretty resourceful though and came up with an idea. There are 15 of us girls dressing up and going out for a fancy dinner tonight (note to self: find something to wear) and a bunch of them will be arriving at my house to get dolled up. Sooo... I wrote a bunch of the reliable and compassionate ones to explain my story (I left out the near theft) and asked them to bring a single roll. Brilliant. At least one person has to remember right? And if I end up with 15 rolls then... BONANZA! Only 7.5 hours to hold my bladder.