Latina, her family, and I went home to surprise Puma (my mom) for her 50th birthday. It wasn’t much of a surprise because Mom watched out the window all day to see if we had arrived yet. Secretly this made me wish that I had not come. “Surprise! I didn’t come.” But that’s kind of jerky.
Speaking of secrets, I kind of miss the days when alcohol and stupid drunken statements made family events more interesting. For instance, take Nana’s husband’s funeral when my grandma got wasted and called her daughter-in-law a tramp. We thought they were going to get in a fist fight. Then there was that time my uncle got wasted and mooned everyone. He got mad and walked home after we told him he was an idiot. Home was a two hour walk away. We picked him up on our way back, which was an hour later.
The alcohol dynamic all changed when one person actually sought help and went to AA. Suddenly drinking had consequences (Oh really?! Imagine.) and we didn’t have alcohol at family events for about two years. At the same time people started having babies (I skipped out on this fad). Now we sit around watching the kids do funny things.
Last Christmas, Puma brought some loser to Christmas dinner. He didn’t know about our family’s new stance on drinking. And I swear having him there was the most excitement I’d seen for a long time. Legendary. “Remember that jerk your mom brought that one year? What was his name again?” Short-shlong-long-gone-Don-from-the-Sooke is what we called him. Say it aloud, it’s funny. He got wasted, said some stupid things and almost got his ass kicked by my uncle who escorted the dude to the front door. Ahh the memories.
4 comments:
Ok, this post made me laugh out loud. I remember that. "Short shlong Long gone Don from the Sooke". LOL. Oh my. Almost as good as your mom's psycho roommate.
Hahahaha! I still can't say, "Short shlong long gone Don from the Sooke" out loud without laughing! Which psycho roommate?
Ummm, the one that the cops had to be there for her to get her stuff when she moved out. Actually I forget if the cops were actually there when she got her stuff or if we just toyed with the idea of calling them. I'm pretty sure the cops were involved at some point though. Her roommate was super psycho. Wasn't there something about a knife? Or am I totally CSI-ing that?
No, you're right, that totally happened! What a gong show. She should write a book.
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