How not to hold it together

This entry is the worst. THE WORST. It hurts to think about.
*As a warning, if you can't handle gross stuff, read no further.

Okay, so tonight I was working at the hotel. It was dead quiet, not even the music was playing. The office was vacant most of the night until Mr. Handsom Guy comes in to use the computer. Hello Mr. blue eyes, soft skinned, sporty, tall guy. Wicked. What luck?! He even initiated conversation. Nice, things were looking good for me. Notice the "were". After about 45 min, I really had to go to the washroom- we're talking number two. Eek. There was no way I could use the one in the office, because the office was so quiet and I didn't want him to hear anything. So I thought I would just hold it.

And hold it.

And hold it.

Finally, my stomach started to make weird gurgles and things became very uncomfortable. What to do?! What to do?! I couldn't hold it any longer. Do I go to the washroom and turn the fan on? No, then he'd hear it and know I was going #2. Not cool. Okay, well should I turn the tap on? No, that's just strange. Okay, so I guess I'll just go quietly.

Riiiight. After holding it for so long, there was no "quietly". Drat.

"Kerrrsplat! Rumble! Gurgle! Splat!"

Did that just seriously happen? I wanted to die. DIE! Oh wait... there's more...

"Tooot! Gurgle! Splat!"

By this point, I couldn't even hold anything back. Are you kidding me?! There's no way he missed that. Fuck. Kill me now. Kill. Me. Now.

After waiting in there a few minutes "just in case", as well as to gather myself, I flushed the toilet and started washing my hands. Oh no... it didn't all flush! Not cool. Not cool at all. Now what? Do I flush the toilet a second time? Then he would know it was a "double flusher". Fuck. But then, what if he had to use the washroom, then what?! My life is the worst right now. The worst. So I left it.

Quickly, I exited the bathroom and shut the door behind me so that the stink wouldn't get out. Awesome. Okay. I avoided eye contact and returned to the desk. Play it cool Heidi, play it cool.

Ten minutes later he got up, left his things by the desk, and went outside for something. I figured this was my chance! So I bolted up and ran for the bathroom so I could flush the toilet. Unfortunately this happened just as the guy poked his head back in the room to ask if it was okay if he left his stuff there. Perfect, he got to see me bolt for the bathroom. Probably looked like I was going for the sequel. Arg. Whatever. When he was out, I flushed and sprayed room spray. So lame. So lame. Sucky, sucky, sucky!

Wait... it gets better.

"Gurgle, gurgle." My stomach let me know that it was still not finished. Not cool. So not cool! Meanwhile the guy was back in the office. There's no way I could be the girl who craps again. So nasty. Okay... think fast. "GURGLE!" Fuck. "GURGLE, GURGLE, HEIDI!" Ack.

Then I had an "ahh ha" moment. I grabbed a key to a neighbouring room, and joked with Mr. Handsom Guy that I needed to go check on a room, and would he mind holding down the fort? Laughter. Awesome. I all but ran out of there.