Confession Tuesday: Chomp Chomp

Today I made banana bread... I may have eaten half a loaf for dinner.

Money fairy?

I'm losing my mind. I went to put a cheque and some bills in my wallet and there was $30 there already. What the heck?! When did that get there? Did I take cash out? No. Did someone put coin in my wallet? I don't think so- although if any of you want to do that, you're welcome to. Seriously, how did it show up?! Am I sleep driving to bank machines and taking money out? Do I have dissociative identity disorder? Is there a money fairy? Seriously, I've been racking my brain, and I have no idea where this came from. It's driving me crazy.

Where are you from?

Ever have one of those situations where you see someone totally attractive and then he or she opens his or her mouth and it's all downhill from there?

Tonight at work, three extremely hot men (comparable to the surfer) came into the hotel lobby to check in. Whoa hello! All were wearing sweatpants, which happen to be my personal favourite thing for men to wear. Seriously, it was like a dream! I may or may not have looked at their junk. Don't judge, it was beautiful. To make conversation and appear more confident than I was, I asked them where they were from. One guy replied, "We're from California- we go to Sanford." Interesting... well la tee dah. I felt like responding, "I'm Heidi, and I shop at Safeway." It's neat how people identify themselves. I wonder what I do.

I still snuck a peek as they walked away. I mean... c'mon right?

New Rules Stink

I had one of those I'm-going-to-eat-healthy-and-revolutionize-my-diet kind of Mondays a while back. I was pumped. Pumped. Think trips to Costco, family packs of chicken breasts, and a tub of spinach for all the salads I was going to have. A 10 pound bag of apples was critical.

Hmmm.

I never did open the spinach, which is probably good because it went slimy and probably reeks. I did cook up the chicken though, but it spent it's time in a Glad container, so I don't think that counts. Who knew chicken could go grey? Wow, what a waste of food and money. I was choked. Then I got a sudden urge to play hard ass with myself. Do you ever do that? I came up with a new rule that if I didn't eat something soon after I bought it, I would make myself eat it later anyway. Stoically, I grabbed a bottle of Bullseye, slathered the chicken, and washed it down with some milk. Kids are starving in Africa Heidi.

However, now I think this chicken is ruining my life. I feel terrible and might be dying. Food poisoning will set in at any moment. That rule was stupid.

How not to hit on a surfer

So, say there is a hot surfer. Say that you notice he got a haircut. His gorgeous curly locks are gone, yet he manages to look better. If you're trying to hit on him, you shouldn't say the following:

Him: Hey, how are you doing?

You: Pretty good. Nice haircut!

Him: Yeah, it's pretty short eh?

You: Yeah totally. No more Napoleon Dynamite hair!

Why did I say that? What made me think that that would be okay? "Hi, my name is Heidi and I'm going to take this opportunity to make fun of you." Wanna date me? It's a wonder he even talks to me. I just get nervous and say the first thing that comes to mind. Turnip.

*This is an older entry posted now

Prioritizing (cough cough or procrastination cough)

Here is a list of "urgent" things that have prevented me from doing my homework:

1) Reorganizing my paints.

2) Cleaning everything out from under my bed.

3) Picking the cashews out of my Costco bag of mixed nuts.

4) Going to a birthday party for someone I haven't spoken to for three years. (And spending an hour looking for the "right" gift)

5) Buying a filing cabinet. (Even though I already had a filing system)

6) Tying up all my electronic chords with twist ties. (Green because that's my fave colour)

7) Going through my room extensively and finding things for goodwill. (The items in the drawers could not wait any longer)

8) Smelling and then debating whether or not I should keep my ex-boyfriend's cologne. (Cough cough... I might still have it ;) )

9) Looking up inspirational youtube videos of Will Smith speeches. Wicked.

10) Cutting myself some new bangs. (It did not work well in middle school and still hasn't. Eff.)

11) Dating vampires. (Still out of the picture, don't worry)

12) Flipping up rocks on the beach to watch baby crabs scatter.

13) Catching up on Seinfeld reruns. (What if I missed one?)

14) Painting my toenails a gorgeous red called Blackberry (so sweet!).

15) Watching Avatar for the fourth time.

I badly need to get some homework done, but where can I find the time?